Recruit Woody Allen for National Pigeon Day!

Michael Clancy - mclancy@villagevoice.com
Recruit Woody Allen for National Pigeon Day!
Posted by Michael Clancy at 12:30 PM, February 21, 2008

Yo, Woody Allen. The New York Bird Club is calling on you to atone for your slurs against pigeons, by making a personal appearance at what organizers hope will be the first ever National Pigeon Day.

The president of the New York Bird Club Anna Dove wrote to her members:

Please contact the list below and request that Woody Allen make an appearance at National Pigeon Day on Friday, June, 13th (details forthcoming) to make right the horrible disservice he’s responsible for by causing our feral pigeon population which are being persecuted and annihilated because of cavalier remarks like "rats with wings" (Stardust Memories, 1980, written and directed by Woody Allen) .... For nearly 30 years this 'racial slur" has and is presently being perpetuated by the media who use it to ridicule and degrade pigeons so that they have no respect in our society and, therefore, are treated with contempt and hatred by the general public."

Organizers hope to hold the first National Pigeon Day on June 13th to mark the anniversary of the death of Cher Ami, a homing pigeon credited with saving the lives of 194 U.S. infantrymen in France during WWI.

The impetus to create a National Pigeon Day came as part of the backlash against two City Council bills seeking to curb the pigeon population.

C'mon, Woody, it's the right thing to do.
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Naomi Semeniuk on Woody Allen"

"Woody Allen and His Derision of Nature"

Woody Allen has given the cinema world many creative moments of unstoppable laughter and cinematic satirical musings that have won him accolades, but Woody Allen isn't one to get involved with nature or any life threatening environmental issue.

No question this man has the versatility to make hilarious witty films about the absurd inanities and ludicrousness of human nature that makes audiences laugh so hard that tears unfold. He was born to make movies and that's what he does best. Development beyond that is NOT in Woody's life's script, nor is pigeon reverence nor is divine solidarity with nature nor is the conservation and preservation of all species and their protection.

Allen also has the promethean ability to make a dark morbid film noir like "Matchpoint" in which the protagonist literally gets away with murder and acts of the most depraved evil. Films like these mirror his darker side which I believe he explores through the genre of his films as he magnifies and explores his inner demons through his art. I sometimes squirm unapprovingly at such films because they send a dead wrong message. Even though life imitates art and vice versa, no villain should get away if there's any justice in the universe and its mysterious forces yet we see this happening, and each time it tugs and gnaws at us with it's jarring effect throwing us off balance as we grasp for answers that aren't there.

Woody is as non involved with nature as severely autistic patients would be about the world around them. Many churches and clergy in our society are also autistic zombies in denial about the rest of the beings on the planet and elsewhere when it comes to the suffering plights of these beings. Woody like so many billions out there are nature's self made autistic non supporters and non involvers. They have nothing to say or feel about any natural animal species, nor do they care about Larsen shelves melting in the Arctic or the disappearance of 165 species and counting.

In Allen's neighborhood there's a pet farm with live farm animals but that's a place he would never visit. The black painted walls of Elaine's, a restaurant which gives me the hee bee gee bee creeps is the hangout which has made its mark of distinction because it's Woody's hangout. If Dracula was an interior designer he'd design "Elaine's" as the restaurant of his trademark. The ghoulishness of Elaine's restaurant lingers in my memory so that one visit there was enough for me. I expected Dracula to walk in any minute. Being there was a dining experience fit for the color blinded that only see the black and white colors of the earth and no other colors of the planet come into focus with them. I'm stupefied as to why a creative mind would want to dine in an artless ghoulish atmosphere such as Elaine's. I'd prefer the Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde restaurant because at least it has zany humor and unpredictability made to laugh at oneself.

I recall how Mr. Allen once said that when he went to the country he really couldn't stand it because he really can't stand anything having to do with nature and that accounts for his nefarious ignorant statement describing pigeons as winged rats in his 1980 movie "Stardust Memories". I don't know if Allen would know the difference between a rat or a swan or vice versa. Allen sees no beauty in anything outside of his one dimensional world view purview. It's the female specie that he's taken a fancy to at the moment that he wishes to devour and devour he has. His latest film "Cassandra's Crossing" came and went with the wisp of the wind. That was also a dark film with no laughter in it and characters trying to beat the system with their lack of moral convictions.

Woody broke Mia Farrow's heart after a long time relationship with her when Mia Farrow found nude photos of her then young adopted daughter, who Allen is currently married to. Their world toppled and Farrow and Allen went their separate ways permanently. Unlike the clinging long face lugubrious looking wives' of fallen politicians who are disgraced as a result of their own uncontrollable boudoir carnal vices and getting caught doing them, Mia has been a woman very much in control of herself and has held her head up high with a smashing tenacious dignity since she doesn't need to hold on to Allen's coattails of movie power, or any power for any reason. Her power is developing in quantum leaps forward as it gets more polished and defined from thinking and flying out of the box like a pigeon navigating the earth's magnetic fields in a headlong dynamic flight pattern. Mia has thrown the book at Woody dropping this, the man in her life, like a piece of rotten rancid food that's been in the refrigerator for too long. Mia Farrow has become the world's spokesperson and UN emissary for the humanitarian crisis in Darfur and has campaigned for an end to the holocaust in Darfur.

Woody never married Mama Mia, and when Farrow said that Allen molested their seven year old at the time this accusation was dismissed and put in a back burner. Woody's depth of field is like having only a frontal vision of the world without the peripheral views and the views from beyond those views. He has never been known to walk with a dog or even own one as far as I know. Can you imagine Allen going to rescue any animal let alone a pigeon? Allen would never have the guts to hold a news conference on catching bird netters, stopping pigeon hunts or any other form of blood splattered animal canned hunts. His Hollywood heart does not bleed for them. He would never lend himself to any outside cause except the success of his cinematic creations.

Moviemakers have to be responsible for what's on the screen and the more they steer themselves into those unexplored magnetic fields that pigeons understand so well, the more film makers will diversify and make precise statements through the power of film about social and environmental issues. I would think that Woody Allen would have an apoplectic conniption if a pigeon landed on his shoulder. He's nature's buffoon lampooning at himself and blurring the wonders of nature.

"Pigeon Genius" the National Geographic Special is a knockout documentary on the fascinating vagaries and natural gifts of pigeons. This ornithological tour de force of a documentary seen on the National Geographic Channel recently should be included in every school curriculum and also in the churches whose congregation and clergy are also autistic zombies where the only souls that matter are always predictably human. With these stale zombie minds all around us, there's never a synergy with all the dynamics of nature and the universe, but this documentary about the film "Pigeon Genius" is electrifying and an epiphany for many who never knew the wonders of pigeons.

In his position Allen, a long time resident of the upper east side where I also come from, is one to never be a green visionary for the neighborhood. Saving a tree or birds or any non human species is not in his train of thought. I think he'd be terrified of our fine feathered friends and he'd cringe and avoid them with an adamant passion even if he saw one in pain. It takes one with a spiritual impetus and spiritual intelligence and foresight to save a helpless animal in the street, but in Allen's case it's all about an ego trapped in a Petri dish grabbing its one cell and multiplying it tens of millions of times over and over again waiting to say "cut" or "print" on his films. That door inside him that's eternally shut has never been opened to venture outside himself to seek something more majestic than himself.

If the mind is like a parachute, and that it works better when its opened, than so is the dramatic paradigm shift in the mind of the pro nature-pro animal activist whose doors within are opened to a matrix of nature that's bleeding and in need of those minds that are opened like parachutes but keep their brains in touch with those feathered and furry creatures everywhere in the planet who are crying out for help. This is not Woody's world. The earth cinema circle is also not his world. We know what to expect when we go to a Woody Allen film. Humans inhabit the world. No, Woody Allen isn't about to fight for humanitarian causes nor climate change causes or green causes or animal abuse causes. His focus is on self gratification and ego stratification and on to the next movie project.

As in so many of his films Woody Allen is portraying himself and the inner fragments of himself are scattered out there on the giant screens in every one of his films. Lately his direction of his two recent films "Matchpoint" and Cassandra's Crossing", has Allen in a film noir state of mind where his darker side has been mirrored. Woody Allen is very much the pre-eminent nerd who made it in the film world but one who cannot shape shift into a crusader of something other than his latest movie project. Like so many of his elk, Woody's world is the one world where he's succeeded and continues to succeed. There're no other world other than the one he creates on camera and off camera and they're no other beings or subplots or major plots other than the females he can have and can't have. It's an endless insatiable quest for the insatiable conquest of his carnal giddy mind. Woody does not have eyes for the causes outside other than his cinematic agendas and his private agendas. Woody in some ways is just like the main character in Lolita where the mature man played by Jeremy Irons and the late Peter Sellers has a fatalistic manic addiction for beautiful little girls. Now years later, his wife formerly his adopted daughter, goes everywhere with him. Mia Farrow on the other hand turned to the humanitarian crisis in Darfur and made that cause her overarching social cause for justice. She's championed this cause for the UN and the world and has been a Hollywood whistleblower for the atrocities that are happening there.

In one of his recent movies "Matchpoint" the protagonist gets away with the premeditated bloody murder of his paramour, and in this movie Mr. Allen sends a message of societal unaccountability which happens when civilizations collapse. The Best Bird Club wants Woody Allen to see the error of his ways since he coined the damning phrase "winged rats" in his 1980 movie "Stardust Memories" and to redeem himself and make peace with the nature he abhors so much, but unfortunately it's not about to happen. London's "Save the Pigeons" and other organizations like them are fighting for the lives of these precious birds who are always in the line of fire. The bird wars with the human adversaries making war against these most graceful, beautiful indomitable spirits that all pigeons possess must be dealt with.

We hope that Governor Patterson will take up the gauntlet and become aware that the presence of bird netters ravaging our neighborhoods and butchering pigeons for black market businesses should be one of the priority issues that needs to be on the frontline battleground of black market atrocities and businesses that need to be crushed for good.

Some time ago I took it upon myself to write a snail mail letter to ex Governor Spitzer about the escalating business of bird netting in New York State to which I never received a reply since whoring and selling New York down the path of perdition and degradation was at the top of his agenda. Let's hope the tide will turn a full 360 degrees and that our wildlife will be saved and the netters will be netted out of business for good.